Clinic

The patient didn't showed up because of food poisoning. As usual I was looking for a collegue for me practise scale/clean and fissure sealant. I guess people thought I was wierd to be so keen in doing dental work. Dini asked me in front of everyone "Melbi, why are you so keen in doing work?" I answered "Because I like it."

I was surprised to found David as my patient because I didn't expect him to say yes when I asked. I thought this is gonna be a pleasant job because scale/clean is my favourite, but I was ultimately wrong. There were so many people in my clinic bay watching and talking because they all don't have anything to do. They were talking about a party I don't know and fishing. I panicked and feel awkward, didn't know when I should start dental work.

The work was done with everyone chatting beside me. It was awkward. David didn't want me to apply prophy to polish it. He said that he want an x-ray taken and Sunny did that job.

At the x-ray bay, everyone was talking about the party on Saturday night at Nirmani's place. They asked Sunny (who is only a new student this year) if he wanna come but no one asked me. I was in the crowd, being excluded from the conversation. I face situation like this everyday, so I sort of get used to it, but it still hurts. I comforted myself "It's ok, it's not your fault, one day you'll learn and it'll all be alright."

Then I found peace.

I don’t want to go to school

Woke up in the middle of the night, panicking about going to uni in the morning...just like a little kid with Asperger saying to mummy and daddy “I don’t want to go to school” with enormous fear of being rejected again.

I experience social rejections everyday and the worst part is, most of the time I don’t even know why. Every rejection is a sharp knife gliding through my heart and I bear the pain every single day until one day the pain goes beyond the threshold, and I break.

Perhaps escape is an easier option. Perhaps I should just hide away from the crowd. Perhaps I should close my mind and live in imagination forever.

Here I am crying like a baby murmuring “I don’t want to go to school” over and over again, except that there isn’t mummy and daddy beside me hugging and comforting me “baby, it’s gonna be alright...be a brave girl...mummy and daddy are always here to support you.”

The Beginning

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been over 6 months since I was finally diagnosed as Asperger Syndrome, but it is only until recent that I have really started to come to accept the diagnosis and look deeper into it.

Asperger has been with me since the day I was born. I have been searching it for all my life, but when I finally found it, I was too scared to look at it. It is easy to say that I have Asperger Syndrome but it is hard to truly accept it as the whole me.

I’m here to share with you the journey of embracing Asperger Syndrome including daily struggle and happiness along the way and the journey starts today.